The following poem was written for Amanda by her best friend, Jessica. She read it at Amanda's memorial service. When does Motherhood begin?
Friend Till the End
When you and I were little girls
we were the best of friends
but as the grown ups always said
good things have to end
It seems like just a day ago
that we were best of friends
I knew you'd be there for me
you'd have a hand to lend
You knew me from the day I was born
since then a friendship formed
there was candy, barbie dolls, and dreams
it seemed like it took us forever to grow to be teens
the golden ballerina that danced while your music box chimed
we've been through everything again time after time
we traded in our baby dolls for boys
we've been through tears and joy
I'll think of you like a summer day
cartwheels, swingsets, all day we'd play
when you moved we kept in touch
Amanda I miss you so much
I remember the Thanksgiving I was with family
You and your were there with me
since then I've lost Tom and you
if only I would have knew
You were proud of your son and you should be
he's a part of you left on earth for us to love and see
we'd sing our hearts out to a radio song
Amanda I can't believe you are gone
She had green eyes and chestnut hair
she was funny and loyal - she cared
she liked to read, she was kind
you know friends like that are hard to find
it's like she talks to me when that music box plays
her words are still with me today
she took the time to see the forest and not just the trees
she knew what it was to be happy and what it means
I was sad to hear the report
I'm sorry your life with us was so short
and whatever happened thick or thin
I had a friend till the end
By Jessica Anderson
December 3, 2000
This is not a moral or legal question,
It is one of the heart.
I knew I was a mother
right from the very start.
They found her heartbeat
on day eighteen.
Just nineteen years later
that heartbeat forever stilled.
Am I still her mother?
Does my womb or heart forget?
My arms may be empty
My eyes may be full
My days may be darker
But I am her mother still.
This is your second Mother's Day
in Heaven & you left me your
greatest gift - your son.
I love you Amanda
& I miss you.
Happy Mother's Day Babygirl
April 29, 2002 Debbie Chase
A Letter To My Mom
I See You Everywhere
Sharon Bryant
I walk around the house I see you in the living room I see you in your bedroom I can stand at the window I go into your room No matter where I'm at I look into the mirror To the days when you WERE here I look at the rug I know I'll always see you WITHOUT YOU
I see you everywhere
There's not a place I go
That you memory isn't there
Clicking the remote on the t.v.
I see you in the refrigerator
Yelling, "Mom, was there leftovers for me?"
Lying, sleeping in your bed
I remember the many times
I softly stroked your head
And look out in the yard
I see you in the backyard
Playing with your cars
And touch all your things that you loved
Sometimes I sit down and cry
And ask WHY to God up above
You're memory is always there
I see your life with me
Every place, everywhere
I see your eyes through mine
I look at my face
My mind wanders back in time
Running through the house
I remember the time you got scared
When you saw the little mouse
Where you once used to play
If I close my eyes I can still hear
The cute things you would say
No matter where I'll be
I promised you at birth
My love was through eternity
©2000 Malisa Pitts, Grain Valley, MO
A Member at Large of BP/USA
For a fleeting second,
When I first wake up-
I try to pretend you're still here.
But, just as quickly,
The pain crashes in.
My broken heart is filled with despair.
The tears fall silently,
As I look at the picture-
Of a daughter, I'm proud to call 'mine'.
We only had 18 years together,
To enjoy your life.
"Dear God, why couldn't we have just had more time?"
Your life ended unexpected and so tragically.
Along with it,
A big part of my 'heart and soul";
My precious Amanda,
I can't imagine my life without you.
You're 'Momma's Bubby', and
I love you so.
I want to hear your voice,
And see your beautiful smile.
I want to feel the softness of your skin.
Dear God in heaven,
How could anyone expect 'a mom' to accept,
That all of this will be.
'Never again'?
I'll treasure each and every moment we had together.
So many lives have been touched by your love.
Being "Mandy's Mom" is one of life's greatest gifts.
For that, I thank God above.
'They say' that I have to 'go on',
and will enjoy life again.someday;
But for now, I live with endless pain.
And just pretend that I'm doing okay.
Trying to be 'strong',
Takes all I've got.
I pray for strength to find a way;
While the memories of my girl,
Live on in my heart.
Our love-Eternal.
Always...
Forever and a day.
Mom's 1st poem for Amy Nycole Darland
6/1/83 to 6/22/2000
Used and changed with Malisa's Permission
ARE YOU LISTENING?
Sharon J. Bryant
Are you listening Lord
To what these parents have said?
Do you hear their faith in You
Each night as they go to bed?
Can you see the pain Lord,
That so many are going through each day
These are parents whose child has died
They're lost and can't find their way
Are you listening Lord
Do you see the tears they cry
None of us understand some things
Nor any of the reasons why
Our children are gone Lord
Taken from us in a flash
We had no warning given to us
Hopes of our futures were dashed
Can you feel the pain Lord
Of a parent whose child took their life
They need answers Lord
It's tearing apart husbands and wives
Were you in the hospitals Lord
With the ones whose child was ill?
They begged you to help them
As their hearts suddenly stood still
Were you with Me Lord
That day so long ago
When I begged you "Don't take my son"
Were you watching me down below?
Were you with me Lord
When I stood there by his grave?
I couldn't "feel" you there
Why, his life, didn't you save?
Have you been there Lord
On those nights I barely got by?
When I felt a hand on my shoulder
Was that You standing by my side?
Did you see me Lord
Five years later at another grave
When I said good by to my mom
When cancer took her life away?
Were you there with my family Lord
Five years ago when my brother left this land
I tried my best to help dad
When he cried and held my brother's hand
What do we do now Lord,
Where do we go from day to day?
How do we cope with our hearts broken
Lord, somehow You must show us the way
We need a miracle from you Lord
We need to know You can hear
We've lost the most precious thing to us
But how do we cope from here?
How do we learn to smile again
And how do we get through the years?
Is our lives forever filled with sadness
Do we ever stop shedding tears?
I know You lost Your Son Lord,
I know you sacrificed Him for Us
How did YOU go on Lord,
Who did You have to trust?
My life was changed so long ago
And nothing's been the same since then
I've survived, that's true
But at times, I find myself stumbling again
We hurt so much Lord,
As you very well know
We need You to help us, because this journey
Takes so long to go
Can you hear me Lord
I ask in memory of my son
I'll wait for You to call my name
And know my journey is done.
But give me the wisdom, whatever it takes
To help someone who is new
This is so hard to endure Lord
To give our child to You
I believe for every parent
Who has ever lost a child
That the sadness will lessen
Yet this all takes a while
I believe for those who feel
They will again never laugh or sing
These things will come back to you
Like the wonder of a new spring
I believe we can't get answers
To the questions that we ask
I believe our time will come
When we can shed our masks
I believe in God and Heaven
Though things I don't understand
Will one day be revealed to us
When we enter that wondrous Land
I believe our lives have changed
And we have to learn to cope
Because if we give up our faith
We've also lost our hope
I believe in God
And all the Bible say's He'd do
I believe he loves all of us
And His love will carry us through
I know when our lives are weary
And we don't know how to cope
When our tears seem endless
And we feel there is no hope...
God will step in to help
And give us a hand
For I believe there's something else
Than this earthly land
I know the tragedy of losing a child
Is the worse thing a human can feel
I also believe by experience
Healing comes from helping others to heal
I believe our hearts that broke
Will always have a piece missing
I believe our children want
All of us to go on living
Remembering the good times
That we all once shared together
I believe our memories carry us through
Because I believe eternity is forever
I believe.
Sharon Bryant
(unnamed) If tears could build a stairway, "My Mom is a Survivor" Child of Mine
Dearest Mommy
If I had only known If I had only known You were the treasure in my hand If I had only known Jana Stanfield, Craig Morris from Reba McEntire's "My
Broken Heart" My First Christmas In Heaven I've had my first Christmas in Heaven,
I sang with the Heavenly choir;
We sang the glad songs of redemption,
We sang once again with the angels,
Oh dear ones, I wish you had been here.
You know how I always loved Christmas;
Yes, now I can see why I loved it.
So dear ones on Earth, here's my greeting,
Sometimes we can't help
but ask the reason "why?"..
when a person we love
will just suddenly die!
Our heart is emptied
and replaced with pain.
There's such a heartache
that no words can explain!
For, one day she's here...
but the next day, she's gone!
You're surrounded by love,
Yet you feel lost and alone!
Everyone has felt the sting of death...
at some point in their life!
They know it cuts into your heart...
just like a two-edged knife!
But, there's one thing
that we must all understand...
without "death", she can't walk
with God hand in hand!
And, if she could come back today...
to this cruel worldly place!
She'd tell you how great Heaven is,
as she'd wipe the tears from your face!
She'd tell you that Heaven
is such a beauty to behold;
that the paths are lined with jewels...
that she walks on streets made of gold!
She'd tell you not to cry for her...
To stop the flow of your tears!
For she now walks with Angels,
And...she'll always be near!
Written by: Kaye Des'Ormeaux
Copyright 1998
(June 2, 1998)
Dedicated to anyone
who has lost a loved one!
Used with written permission of the author. Gender changed to feminine by web mistress
and memories were a lane,
I would walk right up to heaven
to bring you home again.
No farewell words were spoken,
no time to say goodbye,
you were gone before I knew it,
and only God knows why.
My heart still aches in sadness
and secret tears still flow,
what it meant to lose you,
no one will ever know.
Anonymous
My Mom is a survivor,
or so I've heard it said.
But I can hear her crying at night
when all others are in bed.
I watch her lay awake at night
and go to hold her hand.
She doesn't know I'm with her
to help her understand.
But like the sands on the beach
that never wash away...
I watch over my surviving mom,
who thinks of me each day.
She wears a smile for others...
a smile of disguise!
But through Heaven's door I see
tears flowing from her eyes.
My mom tries to cope with death
to keep my memory alive.
But anyone who knows her knows
it is her way to survive.
As I watch over my surviving mom
through Heaven's open door...
I try to tell her that angels
protect me forevermore.
I know that doesn't help her...
or ease the burden she bears.
So if you get a chance, go visit her...
and show her that you care.
For no matter what she says...
no matter what she feels.
My surviving mom has a broken heart
that time won't ever heal.
By Kaye Des'Ormeaux
October 15, 1998
Used with written permission
I gave you life, my child
On the day that you were born
The love you gave to me
Now helps this heart that's torn
I watched you grow and learn each day
As the years flew like a gentle breeze
Now if I could have you back again
I'd kneel and pray on my knees
I didn't know our life together
Would end after only a few years
Now my heart is sad and lonely
And life is full of tears
I always think about you
Not a day goes by that I miss
I cherish the memories we made
Yet forever I'll always wish....
That life had taken a different path
Or that I could un-do that last day
When I was given no warning
That you were going away
I often think if things were changed
And I had left and you stayed
Would I want you to feel the pain
When your mom was taken away?
I wouldn't want you to cry each night
Or have your heart broken in two
I'd want you to go on and live
And have my memories be special for you
I'd want you to remember me
And the love we forever shared
I'd never want you feeling lonely
But to know how much I cared
Now you live in Heaven
And I'm still waiting for my time
When the angels call my name
I'll step to the front of the line
On Mother's Day I will cry
As I usually always do
Because I'm a mom whose heart hurts
For my child who left too soon
Sharon Bryant
An Angels' Mom Forever
When you wonder the meaning of life and love
Know that I am with you,
Close your eyes and feel me kissing you
in the gentle breeze acrss your cheek.
When you begin to doubt that you shall ever see me again
Quiet your mind and hear me,
I am in the whisper of the heavens
Speaking of your love.
When you lose your identity
When you question who you are and where you are going,
Open your heart and see me.
I am the twinkle in the stars smiling down upon you,
Lighting the path for your journey.
When you waken each morning
Not remembering your dreams
But feeling content and serene
Know that I was with you -
Filling your night with thoughts of me.
When you linger in the remnant pain
Wholeness seeming so unfamiliar
Think of me and
Know that I am with you,
Touching you through the shared tears of a gentle friend
Easing the pain.
As the sunrise illuminates the desert sky
In the breathtaking glory, awaken your spirit
Think of our time, all too brief, but ever brilliant.
When you were certain of us, together
When you were certain of your destiny.
Know that God created that moment of time,
Just for us,
Dearest Mommy, I am with you always.
by Jennifer Cacciatore
It was the last walk in the rain
I'd keep you out for hours in the storm
I would hold your hand
Like a life line to my heart
Underneath the thunder we'd be warm
If I had only known
It was our last walk in the rain
I'd never hear your voice again
I'd memorize each thing you ever said
And on those lonely nights
I could think of them once more
Keep your words alive inside my head
If I had only known
I'd never hear your voice again
You were the one who always stood beside me
So unaware I foolishly believed
That you would always be there
But then there came a day
And I turned my head and you slipped away
It was my last night by your side
I'd pray a miracle would stop the dawn
And when you'd smile at me
I would look into your eyes
And make sure you know my love
For you goes on and on
If I had only known
If I had only known
The love I would've shown
If I had only known
A glorious, wonderful day!
I stood with the Saints of the ages,
Who found Christ the Truth and the Way.
Just think! I who loved to sing!
And, oh! what celestial music
We brought to our Savior and King!
How Jesus to Bethlehem came,
And how they had called His name Jesus,
That all might be saved through His name.
The song that they spoke that blest morn.
When sheperds first heard the glad story
That Jesus, the Savior, was born.
No Christmas on Earth could compare
With all the rapture and glory
We witnessed in Heaven so fair.
It seemed such a wonderful day,
With all my loved ones around me,
The children so happy and gay.
And oh, what a joy it will be
When you and my loved ones are with me,
To share in the glories I see.
LOOK UP till the day dawn appears,
And oh, what a Christmas awaits us
Beyond our parting and tears.